I`ll Repair For You ( A Theme For Home Improvement ) — текст песни (Weird Al Yankovic)

So you got dry rot and your water pressure`s weak
Your trash compactor`s broke, the roof has sprung a leak
You just found out your toilet`s overflowed
And your smoke detector`s smoking and your heater`s gonna explode
But

I`ll repair for you (when the roof starts to fall)
I`ll repair for you (all the cracks in your wall)
I`ll repair for you (every nail, bolt and screw)

Your washer`s busted and your faucet drips all night
You got some termites with a healthy appetite
Well have no fear, I`ll patch up every hole
And I`m licensed and I`m bonded, even se habla espanol
So

I`ll repair for you (when your doorknob is loose)
I`ll repair for you (when your plunger`s no use)
I`ll repair for you (with a caulk and hot glue)

I am prepared to tackle all kinds of paste and spackle
You got a leaky shower, I`ll be there in an hour
With stucco, bricks and plaster, I am a Jedi master
We`ll help you through your crisis
Check out our low, low prices too, yeah

Your floors are sagging and your plumbing`s shot
But if you don`t mind my hairy butt crack every time that I squat

I`ll repair for you, anything that you need
I`ll repair for you, and my word`s guaranteed
I`ll repair for you, I`ll rewire it too
I`ll repair for you
I`ll repair for you
I`ll repair for you, every nail, bolt and screw