Yo.. yo! (* Eminem hachs up spit *)
Mic check.. (My dick!)
Testing.. one, two (* Eminem hach-spits on mic *)
Ffff-fuck.. (My dick!) My nuts..
My attitude is worse than NWA`s was
I`ll battle you over stupid shit and diss people
who ain`t have shit to do with it, like Cool J does (My tattoo!)
You see me standin outside of your buildin; screamin,
Puffy is good, (HEY!) but Slim Shady is for the children! (WAIT!)
I look at my life in a new light -- fuck it
Give me two mics; I write songs for me -- fuck what you like
You`re probably hear me rap half-hearted; cause I don`t like rap anyway
I`m just tryin to get my porno career started
Every place and event.. +Been There, Done That+
Shit, Dre stuck me in a suitcase when he went
(* zipper sound *) Come on, let`s go!
Want a deal? Study these 5 chapters
Lesson One: Throw demos as hard as you can at signed rappers
Lesson Two: Face em and diss em (whattup dog?)
Don`t give em a demo; kidnap em (I want you to come with me)
and make em come to your basement and listen
(you`re gonna fuckin check this out)
Lesson Three: Get a job at a label; switch demos with Canibus
and put yours on the owner`s table (here listen!)
Lesson Four: `Know you heard this before`
Hey let me get your number; I`ll call you tomorrow, for sure!
Don`t act like a fan -- you wanna get signed?
Get the whitest A&R you can find
Pull him aside and rap as wack as you can
Lesson Five: Get a hook-up at Jive
Dress up like I.C.P. and have them come see you perform live
And that`s the key, but when you see me on the street; I ain`t
givin you shit bitch - don`t even bother askin me (get away from me)
Toilet water splashes me right in the ass when I`m spittin
cause I`m always shittin when I`m rappin like Master P (UNNNGGGGH!)
Got a blowjob from Paula Jones, and stuffed it so far in her mouth
my balls broke both of her collarbones (OWW!)
Told Mya this shit was all about me-ah (It`s all about me..)
Gave Alyssa Milano syphillis, mono and gonorrhea (You`re a dick!)
And all three of my main girls said SEE-YA
Cause Brandy and Monica walked in and caught me fuckin Aaliyah
(What? Oh my God!) I splish splash while I`m takin a bath
Grab a handful of pills, break em in half, take em and laugh
White trash -- fuckin your wife in the ass (Oh! Ooh Shady! Oooh!)
While you`re out siphoning gas for your lawnmower to cut the grass
So if I hurt your self-esteem
and you get dissed too bad [Yo why you diss me?]
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
And when I rap about a buncha shit you wished you had [A big dick!]
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
I can`t listen to that song, that shit`s too sad!
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
He`ll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad! [Nurse! Nurse!]
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
What a wonderful day; I should go outside and play
Ain`t no need to sit inside the house and hibernate
Hi Renee! (Oh hi!) I was just about to toss a live grenade
in your driveway (WHAT?) and drive away (* car peels out *)
Are you afraid of a blade made of a razor with AIDS
Blood drippin from it, rippin your stomach like a paper mache
You talk a lotta shit, but you was never ill though
I`m sick enough to beat you to death with a feather pillow
Tipped over some cows, just for a joke and a laugh (MOOOOO!)
Jumped up, choked a giraffe, snapped his neck and broke it in half
Wagin wars, went on stage and sprayed Cage with +Agent Orange+
And wiped my ass with his page in Source (Here!)
The demon is here, steamin this year
I rip [*Mystikal`s*] voicebox out, scream in his ear (AHHHHHH!)
It`s not a gimmick bitch, it`s an image I live it
Give a fuck? I don`t know what a fuck is to give it
Yeah I don`t think this guy is well.. I`m high as hell
I`ll beat you with a live cat when I`m swinging him by his tail
[* impersonating Method Man *]
I`ll fuckin, I`ll fuckin
Lay your nuts on the dresser
Just your nutsack by itself
And bang them shits with a spiked bat
Cut your neck off and sew your head right back
And leave you like that
You just triggered the prick who just mixed liquor
Who`s itchin to leave you disfigured and stiffer than Chris-topher
Reeves, I was teething with strep throat
while your mother was breastfeeding
And gave her the flesh-eating disease
I`m iller than takin a hammer and beatin your knees
and walkin through South Central L.A., bleedin in jeans
(Am I a Blood or a Crip?) Wakin up the next day in breathin machines
Flashin back to being shot and repeatin the scenes
on how you just got smoked, and if you do live
You`ll be too scared to tell it, like a Biggie and `Pac joke
So if I hurt your self-esteem and you get dissed too bad
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
And when I rap about a fat bitch that you wished you had
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
I can`t listen to that song, that shit`s too sad
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
He`ll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
I know that makes you real mad, don`t it? (uh-huh)
That`s right, Slim Shady (yup) Sway & Tech
Sprayin wreck (bitch)
And we don`t give a heck (uh-uh)
or a damn.. or a fuck.. or a shit
So suck my motherfuckin dick
