L.L. Cool J
Servin em well
And as you all know..
I AM - HARD - AS HELL
Woke up at 9:30 on a Saturday morn`
Hemmed my remote control, turned my stereo on
Then I reached for a brush since I don`t use the picks
And the floor was kinda cold, so I put on my kicks
Walked to the kitchen and ate some cornflakes
As I bop to a tape of Cut Creator`s breaks
With hardcore - heavyweight - b-boy blast
Connoisseur of hardcore, and Cut Creator`s fast
Jumped in the shower, it was boiling hot
So I stayed there a hour, cause I like it a lot
Jumped out, dried off, put on the Denim cologne
Then I called up Earl on the telephone
He told me `bout a jam that I could do later on
10 g`s plus a limo for one strong song
So I said, yeah, I was with it, hung up and got geared
Got a magnfying glass, then I brushed my beard
Rewound some tapes of some Def Jam tunes
As I waited for this freak to ring my bell at noon
12 o`clock came, left the door crack
The freak walked in, a mink on her back
Put her curt on the rack, threw my ??? on
Then I threw in a tape of the quiet storm
We drank Roundhill Cavern, ate soft mignons
She said, L.L., when you`re gonna let me taste your tongue?
My skin got pale, I wam-bammed the tail
Did it so hard I shoulda went to jail
She left, Earl came over and we went outside
Jumped in the BM to bust a joyride
Went up to A.J., in my fresh black wheel
I`m not a sucker on the corner tryin to scrape up a meal
The girlies want sex, the fellas try to plex
But those who flex end up with broke necks
Signed some autographs for a posse of freaks
Said, It`s L, baby, I ain`t down with Chic
Conversated with the skeezers for 10 minutes more
Then I jumped in my ride and the freaks slammed the door
Due cause I`m a gangster people think I do crimes
They don`t know I`m just a connoisseur of hip-hop rhymes
Some smile, try to call L.L. a hoodlum at times
But he don`t know my autograph`s on his wife`s behind
L.L. has iced all the washed up slobs
Vigilante of rap, so to hell with the mob
Don`t run from the cops, makin suckers jock
And I`m only 18 makin more than your pops
Tormentor of toys and boyscout boys
And I dare any critic to call it noise
Peeped at the clock, it said 6:03
Said `later` to Creator and broke out with E
Went up to White Castle for a chocolate shake
Thinkin `bout a 100`000 that I`d soon make
Finished up the snack, jumped up, out my seat
E-Love hit the table and he made up a beat
Kicked a few lines, stepped out the door
Since tonight is a bore I`m in the mood for more
We jumped in my ride, I took a peek at the time
It was almost 7:30 and the show was at nine
L.L. Cool J will soon stand at a jam
With thousands of people screamin, Touch my hand!
But since I had a hour plus a half for tat
I was searchin for the cutie who`s my perfect match
Her name was Renee, her face was okay
But she had the kinda body that made Jay wanna play
I said, No need to rehearse, then I made my approach
Said, You got a good team, girl, but you need a new coach
Said, My name`s L.L. - Cool, if I may introduce
But I`m not here for conversation, I`m here to seduce
Wanna mix it up, baby, wanna feel you grind
Cause it ain`t 5th grade, and these ain`t nursery rhymes
And I know that you adore my sure side hardcore
Check out the real L.L. behind closed doors
So tell your buddies you`re busy, tell your boyfriend beat it
Forget the silk dress,cause you ain`t gonna need it
Unplug your clock, do away with the light
After five minutes or more you hear me say, `That`s right!`
Your body is bad and I heard you got a Caddy
When we make love you can call me daddy
I`m L.L. Cool J, say hey, Renee
I`m not a toyboy, but I still wanna play
Promise you I`m not wack when I`m in the sack
After that I leave you starvin for me to come back
But in the meantime, put your digits down
And the next time I see ya I`m goin to town
Stepped away from the freak, it was a quarter to nine
When I rolled to the jam I saw the crew on line
Took a trip around the side, so I could get backstage
If you call me a tiger, then the stage is my cage
I rip, stomp and crush, heavy metal bands rust
Them flaky knuckleheads I crumble up like crust
Walked in my dressing room, and then I heard four knocks
They said, L.L., you`re runnin late and it`is time to rock
Told Cut Creator what the order would be
Then I said Lord have mercy and slapped hands with E
Went onstage, I heard the girlies scream
And that`s the very moment I woke up from the dream
Aahh!
