My last girlfriend didn`t like me thought she might be,
Most likely a dyke she just didn`t excite me,
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright,
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn`t that bright,
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony,
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company,
Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her L now she`s a flunky,
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys,
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word,
So what if I`m not the smartest peanut in the turd,
I`m white which goes with everything but I can come in any color,
And I`m looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother,
But it`s hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy,
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em` easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee,
You know what I really want in a girl? Me,I need to find a new vagina,
Any kind of new vagina,
It`s hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina, Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don`t interrupt,
It`s just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up,
I`d fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters,
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture,
No age just ain`t a gauge I like my girls like my cheese,
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only,
I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner,
Won`t have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner,
Like Sizzler she got a beef we`ll chew the fat,
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap,
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don`t play rough,
No I can`t be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up,
Just independent like NOFX ,smart like Janeane Garafolo,
She`d use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know,
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, gee,
You know what I really want in a girl? Me,I need to find a new vagina,
Any kind of new vagina,
It`s hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina,
Vagina vagina vagina vagina,
Vagina vagina vagina vagina.
