I got a special talent that I love to share
When I`m home or goin` out I pollute the air
You can always tell where I have been and when
`Cause a lot of people never wanna go there again
Early in the morning, or late at night
I don`t decide, it just happens when the time is right
And when the time comes you better hope you`re not around
When I run to the bathroom and go to town, I`m gonna
[chorus]
Blow up the bathroom! All night long!
Blow up the bathroom! Man, that`s just wrong
Blow up the bathroom! It`s nasty they tell me
Blow up the bathroom! For the love of God, help me!
I run to the bathroom and lock myself in
You hear an earthquake followed by a gust of wind
Then the smart people make a break for the front door
And like a bad horror movie others go to explore
Most never come back `cause they`re under attack
By a smell that can burn the hair off of their back
Very few that go in every manage to survive
And if they do they`ll need therapy the rest of their lives
I wish that I could tell you how to get rid of the smell
But nothing that I tried ever worked too well
To get the steam off the window you can use a squeegee
But don`t light a match or you`ll get blown to Fiji
The best I can suggest is to just stay away
I never jest I`m just trying to keep your hair from turning gray
You better pray if you`re ever in the house with me
Because my ass can be a real catastrophe, when I
(chorus)
It starts flowin` and until I reach my quota, I sit there and
Explode-a, like a shaken bottle of soda
Wait till you get a load of my load, sometimes it glowed
It pollutes the abode and the whole area code
The stench that I produce will stick around for years
Your eyes`ll fill up with tears as your stomach switches gears
Into reverse `cause my curse is utterly perverse
You better race me to the bathroom and hope you get there first
Nuclear fallout`s got nothing on my gas
Scientists are trying to calculate the half-life of my ass
If you`re next in line, you might have to wait
For the haz-mat team to decontaminate
Otherwise you might just choke to death
Just imagine that being your very last breath
That`s a death that I wouldn`t wish on my worst enemy
But the government wants a new weapon so they`re lettin` me
(chorus)
They tell me what I do is reprehensable
All I know is that the smell`s incomprehensable
With the size of the you-know-what from my rear end
That toilet may never flush normally again
A plunger wouldn`t help though try as you might
You might have to use a quarter stick of dynomite
To disperse the mess that leave in my wake
Just be careful `cause a handful of that stuff could cause a plague
I`m the best lover your toilet ever had
I`m the reason that New Jersey smells so bad
So try to keep your distance if you see me around town
`Cause I grunt and I growl and I blow the house down
The best thing that you can do is to relocate
To a remote section on the other side of the state
Of all the places in the world the last place you wanna be
Is in the port-a-potty that is right next to me
(chorus)
