ALBERT AND THE LION
from the Stanley Holloway record
There`s a famous seaside place called Blackpool
That`s noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.
A fine little lad were young Albert,
All dressed in his best, quite a swell.
He`d a stick with an `orse`s `ead `andle;
The finest that Woolworth`s could sell.
They didn`t think much to the ocean,
The waves they were piddlin` and small.
There were no wrecks and nobody drownded,
`Fact, nothin` to laugh at at all!
So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid, and went into the zoo,
Where they`d lions and tigers and camels
And cold ale and sandwiches, too.
There were one great big lion called Wallace
Whose nose was all covered with scars;
He lay in a som-no-lent posture
With the side of `is face on the bars.
Now Albert `ad `eard about lions-
`Ow they was ferocious and wild;
To see lion lyin` so peaceful
Just didn`t seem right to the child.
So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showin` a morsel of fear,
Took `is stick with the `orse`s `ead `andle
And stuck it in Wallace`s ear.
You could see that the lion din`t like it,
For givin` a kind of a roll,
`E pulled Albert inside the cage with `im
And swallered the little lad - `ole!
Now Mother `ad seen this occurrence,
And not knowin` what to do next,
She `ollered Yon lion`s et Albert!
An` Father said Ee, I am vexed.
They complained to an animal keeper
Who said My, wot a nasty mis`ap;
Are you sure it`s your boy `e`s eaten?
Pa said, Am I sure? There`s `is cap!
The manager `ad to be sent for;
`E came and `e said Wot`s to-do?
Ma said Yon lion`s et Albert,
And `im in `is Sunday clothes, too!
Father said Right`s right, young feller-
I think it`s a shame and a sin
To `ave our son et by a lion
And after we paid to come in.
The manager wanted no trouble;
He took out his purse right away,
Sayin` `Ow much to settle the matter?
Pa said Wot do you usually pay?
But Mother `ad turned a bit awkward
When she saw where `er Albert `ad gone.
She said No, someone`s got to be summonsed!
So that was decided upon.
And off they all went to p`lice station
In front of a Magistrate chap;
They told what `ad `appened to Albert
And proved it by showing `is cap.
The Magistrate gave `is opinion
That no one was really to blame,
And `e said that `e `oped the Ramsbottoms
Would `ave further sons to their name.
At that Mother got proper blazin`:
And thank you, sir, kindly, said she-
Wot, spend all our lives raisin` children
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!
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