[Ludacris]
Hi, my name`s Ludacris, and I`m high as giraffe pussy
And I`m close to the edge, so yo` parents can come PUSH ME
I curse so much just to get on they nerves
I got kids Actin a Fool from the traps to the burbs
My filthy mouth, it won`t fight cavities or beat plaque
So I shot the tooth fairy and put my old teeth back
I take a shit on the equator, the size of a crater
And make government officials breathe harder than Darth Vader
It`s the chicken and the beer that makes Luda keep rappin
But no pork on my fork, I don`t even SPEAK pig latin
I go fishin on my lake, with yo` bitch as the bait
Plus I eat many MC`s, but I don`t gain no weight
The numba ONE chief rocka, clean out yo` rap lockers
I`m as stiff as a board, y`all more SHOOK than maracas
But my +Trix+ ain`t for kids, if you +Dig`um+ you`ll get +Smacked+
I`ll clock ya - I`ll spring forward, you fall back
Every album that I drop has got more than ten bangers
That`s cause I`m a shot caller, y`all fools is +Crank Yankers+
{*phone rings*} Ain`t a damn thing changed but the ice on my chain
To get chicks from Portland, Oregon to Portland, Maine
Now I roll up torpedoes, get blunted with rastas
For a hefty fee, I`m +On Your Record+ like Bob Costas
I own so many jerseys I`m a throwback mess
I hit the cleaners and tell `em I want a full court press (OW!)
So momma toast your glass while I`m countin my cash
Cause every single is a smash, I`m hot as a camel`s ass
The competition never just wanna admit that they lost
And that they last about as long as my part in +The Wash+
From yo` car to a crap game, no one rolls wit`chu
One of Mini-Me`s shoes got more sole than you
So by the time you figure out why your record ain`t spinnin
I`m in the strip club smokin, with President Clinton
So stand clear of the long sideburns and goatee
They may the mold of the penis enlarger off me
I`ll be in another room when I hit from the back
Not to mention my refridgerator`s taller than Shaq (YUH)
So yippie-kay-yay, yippie-yie-yie-yo
If you can`t swim, don`t smoke my hydro
I`ve been lookin for a woman just to put my stamp on
But a lot of y`all are mo` stuck up than tampons
So wash all ya sins away and stop playin
If God`s line is busy you might have to two-way him
Then catch me in your backyard, playin croquet
And when I`m drunk tell them kids, Drugs are bad, mmm`kay?
Or watch me swing my chain at the Roscoe`s off Pico
Got seven cars, get all my rims at Chrome Depot
And people think I`m bad, they say Oooh he`s so evil!
Cause I go on blind dates, with actual blind people (OW!)
But my album`s out the store, yours be on the shelf
I heard you masturbate a lot, so y`all keep to yourself
Cause these women want a man that stay up and stay strong
Like the NBA, you gotta play hard or go home
All that shit that y`all talkin, y`all can pop it to them
Cause Ludacris`ll beat you down with a prosthetic limb
I put my FOOT so deep in yo` ass that you can smell it
And yo` breath will turn to Foot Locker water repellant
I`m the man, I got money far as the eyes can see
And I`m in a group, I split dough with me, me and me
So much money in my jewelry that I`m damn near sorry
So I`ma trade my earrings in, and get a Ferrari (WOO!)
I buy cars with straight cash, have meetings with Donald Trump
Y`all meet with HONDA, no payments for 12 months
Take a look at yo` life, and NO WONDER you so sad
Y`all put up with more shit than a colostomy bag, fool!
{*laughter*}
