I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy`s Hump Palace lookin` for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin` hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin` gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit
Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin` my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that`s a coincidence
darlin`,
`cause I was just thinkin` about skinnin` you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
`Course, it`s hard to hide a hard-on when you`re dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
So, Bambi`s goin` on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus`s
tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I`m parkin` the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin` me to buy baby formula.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N` Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin` through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin` at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin` seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
