OK kids, everybody sit down and grab a comfortable spot.
We`re gonna have a little story.
Not your normal story,
It`s gonna have all your favourite charcters from all your favourite books.
And it`s gonna be written and told by Figgkidd - your favourite
storyteller.
So get ready.
Don`t be scared, all these characters are doing normal things.
You`ll find this out when you grow older.
But for now, we`re gonna sum it up in one big song.
So here I go - the Figgkidd story called fairy tale.
Alright, continue with stories that Figgkidd has ever
so slightly disfunctioned so listen too clever.
Interpolations of fictionous tales
and stories of good and bad in confrontation.
Now go off the track of the regular fables
and interbred people that sign with the label.
It`s quite entertaining, so listen intently,
Figg-fucking-kidd with what I`m presenting.
One very fine day in the castle of Queen,
who`s daughter was not very interesting.
And fitted a slipper of glass,
as a thing - the bitch was a hooker and into swinging.
Anyway, she was a go
and the Prince who`s knight on the side, and pretty intense.
The dude had a baby to one of her friends,
Rapunzel the slut - bedazzled again.
From talking the same shit until you`re sick of it
It sounded like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah
The fairytale master writing `em faster than anyone
Kids will think it`s great and parents will too `cause they relate
to what I say.
Don`t go down in the woods today,
`cause that`s where dangerous bears will lay.
They don`t eat porridge, they eat people.
Don`t think they wrap these stories features.
Sleep in they`re bed, they`ll take off your head.
Tear off your limbs and then leave you for dead.
They`ll scare you off like Goldilocks,
I`m serious when I tell you to not play with bears.
Now Rapunzel was fucking this knight in two ways,
taking his money then leaving for days.
Betting on horses, losing the cash,
and coming back quick and kissing his ass.
The horses were ridden by several men.
Who had a `the two of us` cookin` for them,
`Cause the white, because of her `hap
and snorting the coke with Peter the Rabbit.
It`s funny how everything ends in a story.
Little Red Riding Hood taking the `glories`
Sorry to break the news to the people,
the books they had never mentioned a sequel.
The wolf survived the slice to the stomach,
and ended up killing the Little Red Riding Hood.
So the truth has never been harder,
the children have grown, the picture is all about bad luck.
Who really gives a fuck?
It sounded like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah
The fairytale master writing `em faster than anyone
Kids will think it`s great and parents will too `cause they relate
to what I say.
Don`t go down in the woods today,
`cause that`s where dangerous bears will lay.
They don`t eat porridge, they eat people.
Don`t think they wrap these stories features.
Sleep in they`re bed, they`ll take off your head.
Tear off your limbs and then leave you for dead.
They`ll scare you off like Goldilocks,
I`m serious when I tell you to not play with bears.
Some will go to the final chapter.
Kiddies are scared and parents are laughin`.
With out the shit talkin` goin on I`ve lost the plot of the story.
And so on and so on.
Sorry this started you waiting in anx`,
I guess in a way now this fac` is a prank.
I never knew that I could tell a good yarn,
and have you all sitting inside of my palm.
The motto, I think, it is really quite basic:
Don`t listen to people that`s wearin` the tracer.
They`re usually running away from the cops,
so my story is don`t complement them.
Why stop to take some innocent people as hostage?
Don`t move a muscle because I have lost it.
Thank-you for hearing my tales.
Till then - Happily ever after.
The end.
Come out with your hands up
Don`t fucking push me cunt, I`ve got these kids!
*gunshot* ... Mummy wouldn`t like that.
