Well sitting in a bar alone where no-one knows your name
Is like laying in a graveyard wide awake
You`re scared that if you cough or yawn, you might wake up the dead
So pretend to read a paper or just drink instead
I`m a stand-up comedian, but I`d sit down if I could
The world just seems to want folk like me to stand
And the punch-lines seem to disappear like clouds across the sky
And the laughter could be real or could be canned
Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liars` Bar
Well living with a lying man could never really hurt
But living with a drunk, well no-one deserves
And you`re looking for your husband, you`re not sure he`s still alive
Don`t bother with the cemetery, he`ll be down at liar`s dive
I`m a travelling businessman, I just stopped in for one drink
You`ll find that I`m not like the other men
Their noses are red, whilst mine is only pink
And they didn`t choose their drink, their drink chose them
Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liars` Bar
And the grave-digger`s smiling, at his reflection in his spade
He`s visiting the seediest, the shallowest of graves
The vocal chords of elephants, and the characters of mice
They`re singing whisky, whisky, so good they named it twice
Well don`t pass buildings with lights on, if I said that I did I`d have lied
`Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant, may have Chinese New Year inside
And son all my life I`ve been searching, the bars I`ve been in I forget
The lights outside ever brighter, but a light on the inside not yet
Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liars` Bar
And he`s a world-wide traveller, he`s not like me or you
But he comes in mighty regular, for one who`s passing through
That one came in his work clothes, he`s missed his last bus home
He`s missed a hell of a lot of buses, for a man who wants to roam
If I look rough I am rough
If I look sad I am
If I look broke am I broke
Just a broke down piece of man
I`ve turned over enough leaves, to fill an autumn
and if I had one final wish
I`d be your slave for a decade, if you could take me away from this
If you took me away from this, I`d be different you`d see
`Cause I didn`t choose the drink, a drink just chose me
Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liars` Bar
Well I`m smoking like a chimney
And I`m drinking like a fish
At Liars` Bar
