Well, she wore big knickers,
And she worked on t` sewage farm,
I got me `and down `er jeans an`
I nearly lost half me arm.
But after ten pints,
Looked quite fit,
Couldn`t wait to get me hands
On her flabby tits.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty,
So I said slap that and ride the ripples,
I`ve just got to get me gob
`Round her inverted nipples.
She had a massive arse
And sweatty breasts,
Thirty eight inch,
She were a mound of flesh.
Sweatty Betty, she eats a lot of pies,
Sweatty Betty, she`s got enormous thighs,
Sweatty Betty, have you smelt her breath,
Sweatty Betty, she`ll crush a man to death.
And I knew that she wanted me fer shag `er,
So I stabbed `er cunt with me mutton dagger,
I couldn`t believe the spots on her bum,
She used to play for Wigan at the back of the scrum.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty.
`An I`ve seen real Maccicians gerroff `ome
But you know me, I`ll shag endless buer.
Sweatty Betty, she eats a lot of chips,
Sweatty Betty, she`s got massive tits,
Sweatty Betty, she`s got a huge vagina,
Sweatty Betty, you`d fit a bus inside `er.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, she`s so obscene,
Sweatty Betty, it doesn`t matter to me.
Sweatty Betty, she`s like a lump of lard,
Sweatty Betty, she makes me willy hard.
England`s Glory
Shut up and listen,
I`m gonna tell thee a story,
About me trip down south,
To the crotch of England`s glory.
Took some Dombies and a Bod can,
To make me fell at home,
I`m going down London,
Dig up paving stones.
Got to London half past six,
And I wished I`d never come,
`Cos there`s puffs down `ere
Drinkin` halves of larger,
Without notes from their mum`s.
No gravy at the chippy,
And what`s a savaloy?
Every pub were full of boring
Isling bottom boys.
We are all just simple lads,
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
An` a wife at home to fuck.
If I live to be forty,
I`ll never understand,
Why they`re up `till eleven,
To drink beer that`s second-hand.
Dialling 0625 on the telephone,
I shouts pull us a pint of bitter ale
The night I`m comin` home.
We are all just simple lads,
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
And a wife at home to fuck.
Yeah, we are all just simple lads
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
And a wife at home to fuck.
(repeat)
