Too much nosh & too much booze
He spent all night in the bog with the blues
An aching head, intoxicated
He didn`t even know he was constipated
He forced & he frowned, he pushed & he stained
But on the toilet seat he remained
He let out a shout as he passed out
& his gut was rearranged
No walks in the park, no drinks, no grub
He can`t embark on a trip to the pub
He sits in the dark, and says don`t trouble me
[Counterpoint Chorus:]
No one sees he`s a ruptured man
He can`t sneeze like you normally can
They`re all mean, they`re all riff raff
He turns green when they make him laugh
Ernie had a. Ernie had a...
Hernia, a hernie
Ernie had a. Ernie had a...
Hernia, a hernie...
He had a hernia
He can`t stand up, her can`t lie flat
The torment in his tummy preventing that
He can`t sit down, can`t go anywhere
The devil in his belly proving too much to bear
He can`t go out & he can`t stay in
Oh what`s it all about? He just can`t win
No chance of a bath or to see the lavatory for him
Ernie had a...<i>[guitar bit]
Ernie never smiles & he dare not grin
An aggravating abdomen wearing him thin
Ernie had a hernia but he did not give in
Ernia had a...
He had a hernia