I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks — текст песни (My Heiny Dont Shave My Heiny See I)

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I`ll have the poo-poo platter My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. Class Laber in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kickes my ass I said guys I`m like you I like Monster Trucks too Wanna see how many push-ups I can do? I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig buys that are Queer guys that don`t dig Chicks that don`t dig Chicks that don`t dig guys like me See I`m not queer I`m to ugly but if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be Incognito as a gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony Maybe it`s a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry Scoring with a super model would be easy Cause `super model` means vluptuous but also is synonymous with `super dumb` Ya see I`d be a good listener so she`d treat me like a sister and soon I`d become That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair No it wouldn`t take a week before I`m in her underwear I wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don`t dig Chicks that don`t dig guys like me See I`m not a queer I`m too ugly Doesn`t matter what I`m packin` im my denim it`s what`s in my genes The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean See I`m not to keen on the smell of Vaseline No I`m not Princess Di and I don`t wanna be a queen I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks Anyway if I were gay I`d have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis Hang out with my mom`s hair stylist his name is Kip he`s got a lisp he talks like this And wear my mother`s lingerie learn the songs of Broadway And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet I wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don`t dig Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don`t dig Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don`t dig chicks that don`t dig guays like me See I`m not a queer I`m too ugly And I don`t shave my heiny don`t shave my heiny See I`m not queer I`m too ugly.