[typing sounds]
Dr. Stewart: Hi, [I`m] Dr. Stewart.
Gary Phelps: Hi, Dr. Stewart. Nice to meet you -- I`m Gary Phelps.
Dr. Stewart: My pleasure. Gary, have you ever been hypnotized before?
Gary Phelps: No, I haven`t. I`m actually quite nervous, but I just, uh,
I --
Dr. Stewart: All right, and you were referred to me by anyone...?
Gary Phelps: To be honest with you, I saw your name in the Yellow Pages,
and It said you`re good at this stuff, so I just, I gotta give it a
shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing...
Dr. Stewart: So smoking is your problem?
Gary Phelps: Yeah, I can`t stop smoking and it`s -- it`s finally, like,
affecting everything I do, I can`t run, I can`t play basketball and all
that stuff like that, so I, I gotta give it up.
Dr. Stewart: How long have you smoked, Gary?
Gary Phelps: Uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and I just can`t
kick it, you know?
Dr. Stewart: Yeah, right. [small, barely noticeable fart] All right,
Gary, why don`t you just have a seat here and sit down and just relax --
what I do is hypnosis.
Gary Phelps: Right.
Dr. Stewart: Basically I just want you to sit back and relax -- let
yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and , um, just feel
comfortable and trust me.
[bigger fart]
Gary Phelps: [noticing fart sound] Uh...
Dr. Stewart: That`s it.
Gary Phelps: O-kay....
Dr. Stewart: That`s it.
Gary Phelps: That was...o-kay...
Dr. Stewart: All right? Okay. Gary, I want you to close your eyes, and I
just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing. Okay?
That`s it. Now I`m gonna count backwards from five to zero --
Gary Phelps: Right.
Dr. Stewart: -- and I just want you to relax, and you`re going to fall
into a deep state of mind -- of subconsciousness -- you`re very
comfortable, I`ll be counting back from five, I just want you
to relax, and just think of nothing.
[three farts in succession]
Gary Phelps: Are you gonna keep doing that, or...?
Dr. Stewart: Hmm? Just concentrate now. That`s it. Close your eyes. Keep
your eyes closed. Okay. Now. We`re very comfortable. Five [small fart],
we`re thinking of nothing except being comfortable and nothing`s
bothering us. Okay. When I say the word relax, listen to me, you`re
sinking, you`re sinking, [medium fart]
Gary Phelps: Oh my god...that was, uh....are you gonna keep doing that?
Dr. Stewart: Please just try to relax; that wasn`t me. Okay. You`re very
stressed -- you`re very stressed. Okay, four, we`re relaxing, we`re
relaxing, you`re very comfortable, you`re very, very soothed. Okay.
Four, three...[fart]
Gary Phelps: Oh my dear god, sir...uh, I can`t...
Dr. Stewart: That was the couch. I know it sounded like -- it`s -- the
vinyl -- it`s a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate. Okay. And
we`re very sleepy, we`re relaxed, thinking nothing bothers us, nothing
bothers us -- [several farts]
Gary Phelps: Uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe? I`m just
having a tough time concentrating --
Dr. Stewart: Hmm? Here we go -- there, there, we`re relaxing, we`re
relaxing [fart and cough together] three, two, two --
Gary Phelps: I was just going to ask you if you could maybe stop doing
that. I can`t concentrate when you`re doing that.
Dr. Stewart: This is what I do. It`s a counting-down thing. We`re
relaxing now. Just relax -- let it go, don`t focus on anything else,
just concentrate on what we`re doing here. Three, two, relax, relax,
that`s it, just relax [fart], we`re relaxing now --
Gary Phelps: Okay -- you`re gonna -- that one was -- it`s getting a
little irritating --
Dr. Stewart: Hang on just a second here. Let me just step out a second
here.
Gary Phelps: That`d be good.
Dr. Stewart: All right, and we`re relaxing, as I leave, we`re relaxing,
still relaxing,
[fart in the distance]
Gary Phelps: Jesus...Oh my God.
Dr. Stewart: We`re relaxing.
Gary Phelps: [trying hard not to laugh]
Dr. Stewart: Okay, I`m back, we`re relaxing, and we`re counting down,
we`re to two, and all we`re thinking about is healthy, fresh air.
Freshness. Breathing in. Breathing in deep, letting
out. [fart]
Gary Phelps: Sir, I`d appreciate if you could stop `letting it out`. But
okay, okay, fine, thank you.
Dr. Stewart: That`s it, you`re all right, everything`s good. All right,
you feel very comfortable, you`re sinking into the chair, we`re
relaxing, one [long fart], and we`re coming down to zero
and --
Gary Phelps: Oh my god, uh...yes, all right, it was nothing...
Dr. Stewart: No, no, that time that was you.
Gary Phelps: That wasn`t me!
Dr. Stewart: We`re not here to pick sides, we`re not here to pick sides,
that was you, and maybe we could deal with this in another session, but
right now we`re dealing with the smoking, and, um, let`s not worry about
anything else that`s going down --
Gary Phelps: OK, I`ve just gotta kick this habit.
Dr. Stewart: Down to zero, relaxing, we`re going to feel very fresh
[fart], we`re going to feel very healthy [fart], and let`s take a nice,
deep breath --
Gary Phelps: I can`t breathe, sir, uh, I`m sorry, I just -- [squirty
fart]
Gary Phelps: Oh my god -- what did you eat? It smells like baby food --
Dr. Stewart: All right, we`re relaxing -- that one probably squirted out
a little into the pants, but we`ll just continue with thte floating
[fart] -- yeah, that was definitely a squirt -- but here we go, one,
zero, we are under. Are you relaxed?
Gary Phelps: Yeah, I`m under, I guess.
Dr. Stewart: Here we go, relaxing, relaxing. You`re under a deep trance,
you will not smoke anymore, you will just feel healthy from now on, and
you`ll be breathing in nothing but fresh air, and you will not smell
anything in this room, it wasn`t me, it wasn`t me farting [fart] -- that
was not me --
Gary Phelps: [hysterically laughing under his breath] You`re gonna have
to stop doing that, sir. It`s just very hard for me to listen to you
when you`re --
Dr. Stewart: You`re floating now, you`re high above, you`re looking
down, nothing but fresh pastures and fields, and here we go [long fart]
Gary Phelps: Oh man...
Dr. Stewart: -- that was you,
Gary Phelps: That was not me, sir! I`m watching you!
Dr. Stewart: That was you, and when you wake up, you will not remember
any of this, except that it was you, or my receptionist, don`t worry,
she gets it all the time. All right -- you smell nothing; I`m perfectly
clean. I have no bad gas; it was all from outside or from -- from -- you
yourself. And let`s not forget the smoking thing that`s why you`re here.
No smoking. Repeat after me: I am a smelly pig.
Gary Phelps: What?
Dr. Stewart: All right, we`re moving along, and we;`re relaxed. [fart]
All right, and now we`re going to count back up, up one to five,
Gary Phelps: OK, you know, I think this is fine, I don`t want to
smoke...
Dr. Stewart: Gary, settle down, relax, and when I get to five, you will
snap out of this, and you won`t remember this, especially the smell, the
smell was from you. All right? And here we go. Zero, we`re coming out of
it, you`re waking up slowly, your eyes are opening, one, you`re feeling
good, and when you wake up, you`ll feel wide awake and perfect you`ll
feel whole and [fart] all-righty, I ripped that one out there and I
apologize. I ripped a good one there. That was a nice out..
Gary Phelps: That was not nice.
Dr. Stewart: Here we go, and, we`re coming right [fart]
Gary Phelps: What was that?
Dr. Stewart: That was three.
Gary Phelps: It didn`t sound like three.
Dr. Stewart: three, I`m counting, and four, it`s no smell in here, and
you don`t smoke, you don`t want a cigarette, no, and here we go [fart]
five, and -- [snap] Do you want a cigarette?
Gary Phelps: No I don`t.
Dr. Stewart: Then my job is done.
Gary Phelps: [bursts into laughter]
Dr. Stewart: [fart] Please leave the door open as you leave. [fart]
Gary Phelps: OK, thank you, Doctor.
