Generic Blues — текст песни (Weird Al Yankovic)

Generic Blues
I woke up this mornin`,
Then I went back to bed.
Said I woke up this mornin`,
Then I went right back to bed.
Got a funny kinda feelin`,
Like I got broken glass in my underwear,
And a herd of wild pigs is tryin` to chew off my head.
You know what I`m sayin`?

Well, I ain`t got no money,
I`m just walkin` down the road.
Said I ain`t got no money, honey,
So I`m just walkin` down this lonely old road.
Well, I wish I could get me some money,
But I forgot my automated teller code.

I was born in a paper sack, in the bottom of a sewer.
I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor,
My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tile.
My brothers and sisters all hated me,`cause I was an only child.
I got the blues so bad.
Kinda wish I was dead.
Maybe I`ll blow my brains out, mama.
Or maybe I`ll, yeah, maybe I`ll just go bowlin` instead.

I`m just a no-good, scum-sucking, nose-picking, boot-licking,
snivelling, grovelling worthless hunk of slime.
Nothin` but a low-down, beer-bellied, bone-headed, pigeon-toed,
turkey-necked, weasel-faced worthless hunk of slime.
I guess I`ve got a pretty low self-image,
maybe it`s a chemical imbalance or something.
I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I`ve got the time.

Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk.

Okay, now make it shut up.

Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down.
I always feel so miserable whenever I`m around.
I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain.
I`d flush myself right down the toilet, but I`d just clog up the drain.
I got the blues so bad,
Kinda wish I was dead.
Maybe I`ll blow my brains out, mama,
Or maybe I`ll go bowling.
Or I just might go bowling.
Maybe I`ll just rent some shoes and go bowling.
Maybe I`ll join a league, enter a tournament,
put on a stupid-lookin` shirt and go bowling,
Instead.