[Sounds of Basketball being shot around]
Sandler: Hey man, I`m joining a religious cult.
Allen: Now, that`s ridiculous.
Sandler: Well, I`m joining it, so you gotta sign up too.
Allen: What are you talking about?
Sandler: Hey, don`t fuck me on this, man, just sign up.
Allen: No, I`m not going to join a cult!
Sandler: I can`t believe you`re pulling this shit on me after Monday
night --
Allen: What?
Sandler: -- I wanted to watch Monday Night Football and you wanted to
watch that other show and we watched your show -- I did that for you!
Allen: Yeah, well, you kept flippin` back to the game.
Sandler: I WANTED TO SEE THE FUCKIN` SCORE! Whadda you gotta do that`s
so fucking importnat you can`t join the religious cult with me?
Allen: Well, I was gonna go sunbathing.
Sandler: Oh, boy, no no, I don`t think you should do that. Because this
guy, Russell -- he`s the leader-guy of the cult --
Allen: -- yeah --
Sandler: -- he was rambling on during one of the speeches about the sun
being bad, like the beast can`t come out because the sun`s too bright
and the sun hurts his eyes or something -- you show up all sunburned and
that guy`s gonna get pissed at you and me!
Allen: Well, I`m not in the cult, so I don`t have to worry about
pissing the leader guy off!
Sandler: Look, I`m -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult
guy`s been saying -- some of it makes a lot of sense!
Allen: Well, good, but I don`t want to join the cult. We can still hang
out; I just won`t be in it with you.
Sandler: The point is, I`m not gonna have time to hang out with you
because I`m gonna be fuckin` busy with this fuckin` cult!
Allen: So I`ll visit on weekends -- we`ll work it out.
Sandler: No, the weekends are like the busiest time -- that`s when we
go to flea malls and fuckin` malls and talk people into joining, man!
Allen: Can I join for just a little while? I told my dad I`d go visit
him in Florida in three weeks.
Sandler: Well, just, we`ll ask then, but we gotta join now.
Allen: What`s the hurry?
Sandler: There`s a girl I wanna meet there, what the fuck`s your
problem?
Allen: Well, I mean I don`t really have to believe in this stuff, do
I?
Sandler: No, no, just fuckin` tell everybody you believe in this shit
-- when they say the sun sucks, go, Yeah, fuck the sun, I fuckin` hate
it too, long live the fuckin` beast.
Allen: I don`t know, man. This is crazy.
Sandler: Look, they`re gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you`re
gonna get food --
Allen: -- it`s not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?
Sandler: It`s gonna be a haircut, all right? You said you need a
haircut, they`re gonna fuckin` cut your hair. You`re going in, saving
twelve bucks, just fuckin` do it!
Allen: Do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?
Sandler: Yeah, sure, and if she doesn`t, she`ll go out and recruit one
for you!
Allen: Well, all right. But, hey, if I don`t like it, I`m going to
escape, man.
Sandler: OK, that`s up to you.
Three weeks later!
[Chanting repeatedly] The night time is the right time! The night time
is the right time!
Sandler: Hey buddy, are you glad you did this?
Allen: Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you.
Sandler: You`re not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are
you?
Allen: You know, it`s like they said. It was the only way to save him.
Sandler: You`re a good guy.
Allen: You`re a better one.
[Chanting resumes]
