Well, I was feelin sad and feelin blue,
I didnt know what in the world I was gonna do,
Them communists they wus comin around,
They wus in the air,
They wus on the ground.
They wouldnt gimme no peace. . .
So I run down most hurriedly
And joined up with the john birch society,
I got me a secret membership card
And started off a-walkin down the road.
Yee-hoo, Im a real john bircher now!
Look out you commies!
Now we all agree with hitlers views,
Although he killed six million jews.
It dont matter too much that he was a fascist,
At least you cant say he was a communist!
Thats to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria.
Well, I wus lookin everywhere for them gol-darned reds.
I got up in the mornin n looked under my bed,
Looked in the sink, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldnt find em . . .
I wus lookin high an low for them reds everywhere,
I wus lookin in the sink an underneath the chair.
I looked way up my chimney hole,
I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.
They got away . . .
Well, I wus sittin home alone an started to sweat,
Figured they wus in my t.v. set.
Peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet, hittin right up in the brain.
Them reds caused it!
I know they did . . . them hard-core ones.
Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Then I changed my name to sherlock holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
And discovered they wus red stripes on the american flag!
That ol betty ross . . .
Well, I investigated all the books in the library,
Ninety percent of em gotta be burned away.
I investigated all the people that I knowed,
Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go.
The other two percent are fellow birchers . . . just like me.
Now eisenhower, hes a russian spy,
Lincoln, jefferson and that roosevelt guy.
To my knowledge theres just one man
Thats really a true american: george lincoln rockwell.
I know for a fact he hates commies cus he picketed the movie exodus.
Well, I finly started thinkin straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
Couldnt imagine doin anything else,
So now Im sittin home investigatin myself!
Hope I dont find out anything . . . hmm, great god!
