(James Beavers/Steven Beavers/Barry Poole)
Well, Lordy, mercy, I`s in a mess,
My wife run off with my TV set,
Didn`t bother me none that she had to go,
`Cept I`s gonna miss all my TV shows.
So I looked up to heaven, got down on my knees.
An` I cried: Dear Lord, will you help me, please.
I need a TV by tomorrow night,
`Cos Rick Flare`s involved in a talent fight.
Well I guess my tytheing finally paid off,
`Cos early next mornin` shoulda seen what I saw.
Reached in my overhorse for my inhaler,
`Cos there`s a big brown box there, right in my trailer.
I used my truck keys, cut open the box,
I was hopin` for a Sony or a Microbox.
I looked at the name and thought: Oh my gosh!
This must be a new one called Macintosh.
Well my last TV was a whole lot wider,
But this`n here come with its own typewriter.
It had all the letters from A to Z,
I guess you just type in what you wanna see.
Well I thought I punched up: You Done Help,
But the TV Screen said World Wide Web.
Then I broke out in a cold, cold sweat:
I`s the first redneck on the internet.
He was the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they won`t forget,
The first redneck on the internet.
It was all so new, I shoulda taken my time,
But I slammed that mouse up in four-wheel drive.
Last time I did so much pointin` and clickin`
I had a .22 rifle shootin` at chickens.
Then, all of a sudden it occurred to me,
The power I had with this fancy TV.
I could get back at my ex-wife,
With the touch of a button, I could ruin her life.
So I got the number off her Mastercard,
I bought a new lift kit and four new tyres.
Then, I got on line to her bank account,
Went ahead and closed that sucker out.
I had her power and her water shut, slap, off.
The I sent an e-mail to her dead plain boss,
Lettin` him know that she told me,
She`d have his job by the end of the week.
He was the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they`ll never forget, (Won`t forget.)
The first redneck on the internet.
Now the moral of the story, as a matter of fact,
In a couple of days I got my TV back.
She said she`d like to come back, as well.
I told her to go straight to AOL.
Now, thank the Lord that the UPS,
For droppin` that box at Cledus` address.
If they ever wanna find him, it won`t take long,
Type www.cledus.com
To reach the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they`ll never forget, (Won`t forget.)
He was the first red neck on the internet.
The first red neck on the internet.
Hey Buck, p`preciate your help. You ARE the man.
World Wide Web, population Four Zillion. Cy hoot
