(Dialogue from Female Trouble, between Edith Massey and Michael Potter)
Aunt Ida Nelson: Have you met any nice boys in The Swan?
Gator: Oh, pretty nice.
Aunt Ida: I mean any nice queer boys. Did you fool with any of them?
Gator: Aunt Ida, you know I dig women.
Aunt Ida: Aw, don`t tell me that.
Gator: Christ, let`s not go through this again.
Aunt Ida: All those beauticans, and you don`t have any boy dates?
Gator: I don`t want any boy dates.
Aunt Ida: Oh honey, I`d be so happy if you turned nally.
Gator: Hey, no way. I`m straight. I mean I like a lot of queers, but I don`t dig their equipment, y`know? I like women.
Aunt Ida: But you can change. Queers are just better. I`d be so proud if you was a fag, and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I`d never have to worry.
Gator: There ain`t nothing to worry about.
Aunt Ida: I`m worried that you`ll work in an office, get married, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life.
Gator: Sometimes I think you`re fucking crazy. I`m real happy just the way I am.
People are telling me that I`m missing out on the fun.
` Cause I don`t go anywhere, and I don`t meet anyone.
But I know how rumors fly.
When you`re a lonely guy.
And I`m here to tell you it`s a lie.
There`s stange things going on at night most everywhere.
You know those places, well you`ll never see me there.
I walk by other men.
And I don`t notice them.
But then those rumors start again.
So I`m gonna tell the world.
I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
I`m gonna find a girl.
`Cause I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
I guess that it`s okay.
If other guys are gay.
But my hormones are one-directional.
And I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
Somebody tell me what I did to start this talk.
Is it the way I look? Is it the way I walk?
Is it the clothes I wear,
that make the people stare?
Is it the way I comb my hair?
I`m only hoping maybe there will come a day
When I can make them understand that I`m not gay.
But `till that day is near,
Iguess I`ll live in fear.
And I curse the day I pierce my ear.
There`s nothing wrong with me.
I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
Know what I want to be.
And I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
Soft boys and closet queens,
think Judy Garland`s keen.
But I don`t think she`s nothing special.
And I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
(instrumental break)
So now I`m wondering if maybe they`re not right.
`Cause I`ve gone all paranoid and I can`t sleep at night.
I went to see the shrink.
What did the doctor think?
I swear to god I saw him wink.
I pray to God I`m wrong
I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
Why did I write this song
If I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual?
I hope it`s not too late,
for them to set me straight.
I`ve got to see a real professional.
`Cause I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual, no!
No no no no. No no no no no no no.
I don`t wanna be, I don`t wanna be
I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
(repaeated in background)
I don`t wanna go with guys named Shamus.
I don`t wanna be rich and famous.
I don`t wanna go to a French art festival
and I Don`t Wanna Be a Homosexual.
