Funny girl is the life of vaudeville comedienne fanny brice (1891-1951), starting in 1910.
Actually the show starts after she has become a success on stage and flashes back to her
Origins. it opens in fannys dressing room. she is waiting for her husband, nick arnstein,
To return after being in prison. she looks back to when she was a 19-year old hopeful.
Her mothers poker buddies think shes wasting her life trying to break into show business.
Mrs. strakosh:
Fanny, when people pay good money in the the-ay-ter--
Especially the male element--they want something to look at!
If a girl isnt pretty
Like a miss atlantic city,
All she gets in life
Is pity and a pat.
Mrs. brice:
Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail
Or drown the cat?
Mrs. strakosh, o malley and
Meeker:
She must shine in evry detail
Like a ring youre buying retail,
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress.
Mrs. strakosh:
When a girls incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
Mrs. strakosh, o malley and
Meeker:
Then to me that doesnt spell success.
Fanny auditions for keeneys music hall but keeney kicks her out of the chorus
Because she doesnt look like the others.
Eddie ryan, dance director for keeney, agrees:
Eddie:
If a girl isnt pretty
Like a miss atlantic city,
She should dump the stage
And try another route.
Any guy who pays a quarter
For a seat just feels he oughter
See a figger that his wife cant
Substitute.
Kid, my heart aint made of marble
But your rhythms really horrble
And that map of yours just aint no
Valentine.
Everything you gots about right,
But the damn thing dont come out right
So forget it, kid,
And just resign.
Chorus:
If a girl isnt pretty,
If a girl isnt pretty,
If a girl isnt pretty,
If a girl isnt pretty,
If a girl isnt pretty,
She should get a job,
Go get a job--
Get any job
Get a weekly pay,
cause if a girl isnt pretty
Like a miss atlantic city,
Shes a real miss nobody, u.s.a.