Mom Was No Fat Broad — текст песни (Cherry Poppin` Daddies)

Please note that the Russian stuff in the song was left out here since I don`t have that character set handy.

She said, "It`s not drug abuse,
They`re diet pills," was her excuse
Nobody wants a woman with a big caboose."
(You must forgive your mom)
She cleaned the house in half an hour
Mildew didn`t have a chance in the shower
My mom was always higher than the ol` Sears tower
(Responsibility that sickens your heart)
My mom was no fat broad

She tied the tubing for a bulging vein
Hit that mainer then she sped away
Like the white tornado of Avenue A
(Your mother was very unhappy)
My mom was no fat broad
OOmpah Doompah Doompah Doompadee doo
Fear of bulbous rollin round lookin like Augustus Gloop
It`s the runway model vogue
That made my momma swallow you
Momma`s little helpers got her mind crazy singin` the blues

She kept her stash on top of the fridge
I tried to flush it down the toilet one time
I was six
I still remember the fit that she pitched
My mom was not fat...she was nuts.

They took the gurney down the stairs and the policeman said
That I could ride with him in his front seat
He said, "My little man, your mom is at peace."

My mom was no fat broad