Ernie and Bert are sitting down with pizza and juice. Ernie`s serving is noticably larger than Bert`s.
Ernie: Okay, Bert, here`s your glass of ice-cold delicious grape juice, and here`s my glass of ice-cold delicious grape juice, and here`s your slice of cheese, Bert, cheese, anchovy, and pepperoni pizza, and here`s my slice of cheese, anchovy and pepperoni pizza. Ready to eat? (Picks up slice)
Bert: Hold it, Ernie, hold it! (Ernie puts slice down) Do you notice anything? Take a real close look. I want you to take a look at my glass of grape juice and I want you to take a look at your glass of grape juice. And I want to you to take a look at my slice of pizza and I want you to take a look at your slice of pizza.
(Five second pause.)
Bert: Well?
Ernie: Well what? It all looks delicious, let`s eat! (grabs slice again)
Bert: Not so fast! (Ernie puts slice down) Ernie, you have much more grape juice in your glass than I have in my glass. And you have much more pizza on your plate than I have on my plate.
Ernie: Is that so?
Bert: Yes, it is. And I have much less grape juice in my glass than you have in your glass. And I have much less pizza on my plate than you have on your plate. I have less, and you have more. I wonder how that happened, hmm?
Ernie: Oh, gee I`m sorry. I can fix that!
Bert: You can? Well -- (suddenly Ernie starts gobbling pizza) I don`t mean fix it THAT way--Ernie! (Ernie ignores him, starts slurping his juice loudly) Ernie--is that your idea of fixing it? (Ernie sits back, satisfied, examining pizza and juice, Ernie`s is now much smaller than Bert`s.)
Ernie: There, Bert, it`s all fixed! Now you have more juice than I do and I have less juice than you do, and you have more pizza than I do and I have less pizza than you do. See, all better!
Bert: I don`t understand......
Ernie: But wait a minute--that`s not fair, I have less, and you have more-- (Bert starts to protest)
Bert: But, Ernie, you just ate all that--
Ernie: (at the same time) I better fix this too-- (Ernie starts drinking Bert`s juice, slurp, slurp, slurp)
Bert: But you had your grape--and you had your pete--pizza and--
(Ernie has finished all but an inch of Bert`s juice, turns to Bert`s pizza.)
Ernie: And now I better eat some of your pizza. (starts noshing down)
Bert: (He is resigned, walking away) Enjoy it, Ernie!
